I’d probably never use an electric blanket—I’ve just heard too many horror stories that include elements like burn marks and houses transformed to ash. But a water cooled/heated mattress? That sounds downright brilliant. The ChiliBed is similar to all the memory foam mattresses you’ve seen advertised lately, but inside its core, water is either heated or cooled while it passes through coils, generating a massive temperature flux that should emanate naturally from your sleep surface.

Things one should not say while engaged in romantic duties in a Millennium Falcon bed: “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid. I’ve made a lot of special modifications myself.” Designer Kayla Kromer strikes a pose. Leia lookalike not included. Perfect for lighting up the insides of a massive asteroid tube worm. Comm dish throw pillow! Jar Jar, as ever, is like a virus that won’t go away. Hopefully he’s the only virus this bed sees.

This is exactly what I need: A bed with integrated alarm clock, so I can check the time by passing my fingers over it. OK, not true: What I need is a hammock on a beach and no clocks whatsoever. But if I’m forced to use it, I won’t complain. Designed by Florian Schärfer, the Melted Clock bed has integrated speakers, touch-sensitive buttons to snooze and control playback, and a haptic, touch sensitive alarm clock. Not a bad concept.

Detective’s Notebook, November 15: It was raining. The mother? Crying. Timmy, the son, and friend Jimmy turned in at 11. Timmy said he went to bed on a bunk, woke up on a couch. I think I know what happened

It vaguely reminds me of someone painting eyeballs onto their eyelids to feign wakefulness, but I kinda almost want a Vertical Bed . It’s intended to help you catch a few extra zzZZZ’s on your daily commute while looking dorky. Basically the bed fully supports all of your body weight by attaching to subway ventilation grating. And to prove that it works, some poor guy got assigned to the task of taking 40 minute naps in the middle of New York. Since he didn’t get mugged or fall over, this could be considered a successful trial. The Vertical bed comes complete with noise-cancelling headphones, opaque sunglasses, a free standing umbrella, and fits into a suitcase

Red velvet, check. Mechanized base, check. Built-in massage, check. Covered LED canopy lights, check. 32-inch LCD television, check. Vanity mirror, check

The inventor of this head-pounding “alarm clock” is admittedly a bit quirky (”Hi Mom!” cliche, check!), but I’ll be damned if I don’t give him kudos for inventing the most violent, aggressive alarm clock I’ve ever seen. Sadly, the source site doesn’t allow embedding, so I’ve assembled a series of screen grabs to try and capture the raw violence I saw in the original video. The same video, coincidentally, you can catch in the accompanying link. [ TechEblog ]

Perhaps we should rethink our blankets and sleep with something extra comfortable—like this blanket constructed entirely out of pillows. With a pillow missing in its rectangular design, it allows you to slip your head through the hole—poncho style—and use it as both a pillow and a blanket. But if you get cold easily in the night, you’d probably need extra blankets since it looks like there are gaps between each pillow. Also, if you’re the type that likes to snuggle, this blanket could potentially be a problem in the bedroom—unless you both have extremely small noggins. [ designboom ]

If my girl can’t appreciate sleeping in the hollowed out arc of a real Boeing 747 engine nacelle (fine Italian satin apparently included!), I don’t want her in my life. [ Motoart via OhGizmo ]